How to be angry

On the way to the bakery to pick up pastries, a Sunday morning ritual, I had to hit the brakes for a young woman who stopped at the green light just before the busy intersection. Traffic was heavy. As I inched around her, she seemed to be consulting a map, trying to decide which way to turn.

I wondered whether I’d always gotten so angry or whether I had slid into the ranks of the angry old men without really deciding to join.

As I got a box of empanadas and regained by balance, I recalled that Montaigne had thought of anger as a kind of temporary disability, something that disabled a person’s judgment. But like a sprained ankle, the injury wasn’t permanent.

Everyone experiences anger. So how’s the best way to handle it?

Montaigne’s advice comes down to a few rules:

• Don’t hide it. If you have a feeling, express it, rather than let it stew.

• Be sparing in doling it out. Do not scatter it around.

• Do not get angry in general. Make it specific. Be angry at the reckless driver, but not at the world.

With his closest friends, Montaigne shared a rule. If they saw him get angry, they were to let the anger run its course. Montaigne’s anger passed quickly, like a thermal shower in Texas. After a quick storm, order was restored. Montaigne did the same in return.

The theory is you do more violence trying to contain the storm than in just letting it pass naturally.