Alvin Sallee talks about his next book

 My friend Alvin Sallee has written several books. The latest is Sea Stories: Galveston & Beyond with Michael J. Leahy Jr. His next one is about two relationships that shaped his life. Here are highlights of a conversation about the coming book.

 

Q. How did you decide to write a book on your grandfather?

A. As a new grandpa, I had a perfect role model, to me the world's best Grandpa: Charlie Midert, the father of my birthmother, Joy, who died when I was 5 years old. After telling Grandpa Midert stories after I became a grandpa, people were genuinely interested in my musing memories. Friends told me I should write a book about Grandpa and my adoptive Mother, Carol. Both had strong personalities shaped by different events in their lives, yet they formed a surprising smooth team. They shared the love of travel and family. This book includes the stories that formed who I became and what I believe. 

 

Q. I’m sure each of them — your Grandpa and Mother — influenced you in many ways. Could you give us one example of influence from each?

A. One probably needs years on the couch to fully understand how an adoptive Mother and birth Grandpa influenced one’s being. Without that benefit, here goes: 

Grandpa's persona comes through in my never meeting a stranger — his use of humor, a sort of a hyper Groucho Marx. Mother’s negation skills with Grandpa were demonstrated in debates around the dinner table. More than one person has said, “Alvin can argue either side of any decision."

As Grandpa never talked politics or sports, I don't see how there was anything that rubbed off on me — Mother more than made up for that. An FDR and sports fan, social justice oozed from her entire life. College events were the highpoint of her life. Given I spent 40 years in the university environment as a social work professor, Mother was the influence for sure.

 

Q. I’ve got to ask. What’s an example of hyper Groucho Marx?

A. Groucho Marx, the famous movie and TV star from the 1920s through the 1960s, would pause for a moment, play with his cigar, raise his eyebrows and then deliver the impromptu punch line. He’s pregnant pauses would allow the guests to hang themselves. I don't do “wait” well. A bit hyper, I just jump in with my punch line — probably so I won’t forget it. Timing is everything in jokes, and Grandpa had it down perfect. 

 

Q. What was the relationship like between him and Carol?

A. Mother was very precise, planning each activity with MBA detail. For four years, she planned the month-long trip to the New York World’s Fair; yet when it came to Grandpa, she went with his course.

Making an appointment was not a driving force for him; it was what was in front of him — a project, a visit with someone or a roadside attraction. We only knew within about a two-week window when he would show up in Albuquerque.

Mother realized she needed to keep him busy or he would be off again in a day or two. So, over the months before his arrival she developed “Charlie’s list” — on an actual piece of paper. “Fix the drip under the sink (Dad was only a big project guy; e.g., he built a concrete block garage), fix the squeaking door, paint the trim on the newly built den," etc.

Once the list was all checked off, off went Grandpa and Grandma on another adventure — when in the summer with (brother) David and me, fighting all the way in the backseat.

David summed it up perfectly: “Grandpa inspired creativity; Mom inspired hard work and motivation to reach for all A’s (success). Grandpa was almost always fun and adventure; Mom was good ol’ protestant work ethic and morals.  I wonder if Grandpa reminded Mom of one of her more colorful uncles.  I agree she probably bit her lip about  Grandpa's behavior, which to her was wild and excessive, because of her love of Joy and Grandma.”  

Mother ran the house through lists, which organized everything. Her job as associate dean of woman, which included setting up large dorms, was perfect training for running a house with four boys. Lists guided dinners, chores, books to be outlined, events, parties, etc. A marked difference with Grandpa’s becoming lost in whatever project he was involved.

Mother didn’t allow vagueness in any other part of her life, but she worked around it with Grandpa. The experience of Grandpa allowing us to shop for ourselves, spending his $10 at will in the K-Mart, was difficult for Mother, who grew up in the Depression, yet it was allowed.

Christmas presents are a perfect example. Mother began buying items on sale months before Christmas from a detailed list. Each was wrapped weeks in advance in used Christmas wrapping paper from the year before. When we boys unwrapped a present, you didn't rip it off; first you read off who it was from. Once Mother had written it down, you could carefully undo the tape at each spot, turning the present over to bring it out without even a minor tear in the corner of the paper. The paper was carefully folded and put in a box for use next year. Then you double-checked that Mother wrote down who it was from and what it was. The next day you were handed your list and a box of cards — bought 11 months ago — to begin writing thank you notes. We still joke about her regimen each Christmas. 

By contrast, Grandpa used recycled (before it was cool) brown paper bags for his homemade presents, sometimes taping two bags together. You simply tore off the top of the bag and lifted out the usually handmade treasure. There was never any doubt whom the presents were from! 

When asked about why Mother handled Grandpa the way she did, this articulate woman could only allow that she really liked Joy, as she did Grandma. My guess is that Joy didn’t save Christmas wrapping paper.